She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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