i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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