How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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