Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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