i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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