The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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