my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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