i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she told me i tasted like america
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
