And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
