I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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