It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
