just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
