bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
