Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
