I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
