pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
