i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
