there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
