i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
