We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
