There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
