I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I want is dick and wine.
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