yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
