you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
