Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
