I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
