Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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