Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
