Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
