He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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