tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
