As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
