if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Still dying that you shit outside
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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