Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
