Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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