I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
