There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
