This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
