exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
