Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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