so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
