I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
