Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
