If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
