Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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