fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
