Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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