I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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