Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
