my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
