Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
